Things to say to a toddler when you can’t understand their sad attempt at language.

“Not without the proper permits.”

“I’m pretty sure that’d be considered insider trading.”

“Sure, it’s possible, but is it ethical?”

“Huh. I never took you for a conspiracy theorist.”

“Aren’t you a little young to be doling out financial advise?”

“No no no. You never remove the arrow from the wound.”

“That’s ridiculous. Without the lipid membrane the protein coat will shed, rendering the virus useless. You’re smarter than this! If you’re not going to bring your A-game to the table, don’t even bother showing up.”