i just need to point this out

Squeaky, jumpy bi-folding pantry door.
“Maybe I should wax it. Do we have any old candles?”
“What? No, why don’t you use grease?”
“cause grease is messy.”
“Who uses wax?”
“Skateboarders…it’s perfect for this.”
“Why don’t you do these dishes instead?”
“cause I want to fix our house.”
“Do the dishes.”
“Fine, I’ll do the dishes, you go out in the garage and look on the shelf for candles.”
“What?! We do not have candles in the garage!”
“You memorized and cataloged the contents of the shelves in the garage?”
“No, but I have never bought candles, and I wouldn’t store them in the garage.”
“You’re the only person that lives in this house?”
“You have never bought candles.”
“This house was completely empty when we bought it?”
“Do the dishes.”
“Look for the candles.”
“No.”
“Then You do the dishes, I’m looking for candles.”
Return from garage 20 seconds later with huge candle, one of six, left by previous owner.
“Kiss my feet.”
“No.”
Wax squeaky, jumpy bi-folding pantry door. Works like a charm. Door slides smooth and is no longer squeaky.
“Kiss my feet!”
“No!”
“I’m going to post about this!”

now hair me out

Teresa and I are currently arguing over Noah’s hair. I can’t remember the last time either one of us was so passionate on our positions in an argument. It’s a weird fight, cause both of us are completely aware it’s literally over a hair cut, but both of us are pretty much ready to take our opinions to the grave.

I’ve wanted to cut his hair for about 3 months now. You see, for the most part, his hair is fine. It’s kind of long on top, but only down the middle, but I personally like that part. The sides are still fairly thin, with a decent side-of-the-head length. The problem area is the back. The areas right behind his ears, working towards the back-center of his head, is super long and stringy. It’s pretty much to the collar of his shirt. So to sum up, my son has a mullet.

My wife had agreed a couple months ago that we would cut his hair on or around his 1st birthday. Her excuse to put it off was, “If we cut it, he’s going to look like a little boy.” Now I can completely sympathize with the feeling of him growing up too fast. I’ve mentioned it a few times here. But the fact is, Noah has looked older than he is since he was born. (Note Exhibit A)

So yesterday, literally as I’m walking to my car to leave for work, she drops the “I don’t want to cut his hair” bomb on me. She has extended the “on or around one year” mark to “when I’m damn well ready.” (not a quote) She claims that, as the day wears on, the crazy, stick-out-back-of-the-head hair becomes adorable, curly hair. So it goes from mullet to Kentucky Waterfall.

This all brings back stories of my own childhood, where my mom refused to cut my beautiful, long, curly locks, and I was often mistaken as a girl.

So now we’re at a standstill. I brought it up last night, and got a simple “no, we’re not” and that sort of ended that session of “discussion.” We don’t even know how to argue over this. It’s hair. To her it’s a beautiful symbol of his infanthood, to me it’s a horrid sign gender confusion and bad style. No idea where this one’s going to go. I mean, I’ll win eventually, right?