mo’ money, mo’ problems…

I bought a house.  I should say, my wife and I bought a house.  We’ve closed and all that, and we’re getting ready to move in this Saturday.

The house is great.  It’s a nice little starter home, perfect for a couple and a kid.  The previous owner seemed to have an eye for design, so it’s very tastefully painted and wallpapered. 

Every time we went to see it, I noticed a box in the back yard.  It’s a medium sized black box, that I always assumed was a utility box of some sort.  Every time i saw it I thought to myself, “I need to go give that thing a look.”

Days pass, we close on the house, a couple more days pass.  I show up at the house to start the cleaning of cabinets and the like, so we can move into a clean house.  I knew the previous owner had dogs, and I had accepted the fact that I would have to scoop up some dog poop.  I bought a $5 shovel from Home Depot specifically for this purpose.

So I went out back to take a real look at just how much dog poop I had to get rid of, and was amazed at how tricky it can be.  You think you see a few, then you look closer and there’s more, and then you simply change your point of view and there’s some that was hiding under a clump of grass.  It’s everywhere.  I start scooping, and slinging it to the corner of the yard that has a little fenced in garden area with vines growing over the fence.  “This will be our little secret” I tell the shovel.

I make my way towards the back left corner of the yard, and start to see that the utility box doesn’t look all that much like a utility box.  Closer still, I notice it says on the side “COMPOSTER.”  Ok, so maybe the previous owner was kind of green and kept a little compost heap.  Yeah, maybe that’s it.  I lift the lid, and the sight drops my chin to the floor.

This is not a compost box.  This is a a very bad answer to a “what do we do with all our dog’s poop?” question.  The box is filled to the brim with old, moldy, crumbling dog poop.  I stand there with my mouth agape for a good 15 seconds before it can even fully sink in.  I kick the side to get an idea of it’s weight.  it’s got to be at least 150 pounds.  I instantly think, “what the hell do I do with this?”  Visions of hand carts and wheel barrows dance through my head.  But the box itself isn’t very sturdy.  It seems to be two sets of a right angle wall that are riveted together with two rivets per side.  Picking this thing up doesn’t look like much of an option.  I can’t even tell whether or not it has a bottom.  Everything I know about composting says it wont. 

So I call my Realtor, and for four days we dance back and forth with the previous owners Realtor with messages of “I can’t reach her” and the like.  This is all happening over Christmas, so I can kind of understand the delay, but it’s getting to the point where I’m getting paranoid the seller is just trying to avoid me.  Buit I’m wrong, and we finally get a hold of her.  It seems, just as I had, she overlooked it and completely forgot about leaving it.  So now we’re just waiting for her to come by some time soon and pick it up.  Not sure how she’ll take care of it, I just want the 150 lb box of dog poop out of my back yard.