Nah, maybe it would just be manslaughter. Or babyslaughter in this case.
Today, whilst wielding a device of much carnage and evil, I nearly lobbed off my son’s arm. The bleeding was difficult to stop, but we managed to keep the stump clean, so I don’t think there will be any infection.
But seriously, after only 73 days of life, I have brought upon him physical harm. Not sure if I should be proud that it took me this long, or if I should be mortified to know that there are several more days that he’ll be under my care. Heck, in a couple weeks he’ll be under my exclusive care two days a week. Now that is scary.
Note to future parents: don’t clip your infant’s nails in a dark room. Honestly, you shouldn’t even clip an infant’s nails. Not sure why they included a nail clipper in the little infant grooming kit we bought…yeah, let’s say it was their fault.
So to the point, I cut off the smallest little tip of my son’s right index finger. Nothing too terrible, it’ll all grow back I’m sure, but I’ve now learned that I have in my skill set the ability to make a baby, and his mother, cry in about one-quarter of a second.
There was plenty of blood. Enough that it made it difficult to see just how bad I had cut him. We managed to bandage him up, using the tiniest of band-aids, which of course looked normal sized on his finger. Of course, then we had to cover the tiny sized band-aid with gauze and a full sized band-aid just to absorb all the blood. Luckily, we still had some of his baby mittens left from when he was a newborn, so we covered it all up with that, so he wouldn’t hit it on everything as he flails about like infants do.
A little bit of baby Tylenol and some nursing and the kid was good as new. Smiling and cooing with the best of them.
That’s one tough kid. I question his intelligence, as he seems to still trust us. I will say this: He bleeds like his father. Profusely.
So, I guess we’ll have to set the “number of days sine last injury” sign above his crib back to zero. I had a feeling we wouldn’t make it to the triple digits.