the picture above is the cryptic message i came home to yesterday. it seems the pest control man has been in my apartment. instead of leaving the common “someone’s been in your house” signals like, drawers pulled out, papers strewn about, he has the audacity to leave a note. almost like the cat burglars calling card, but with far less class than a long stem rose or some sort of tiny crystal animal statue. the thing that truly strikes fear in my heart is his future plans. it’s obvious that he plans to come back. You can see this in the “……” instead of a period. it’s almost as if he’s staring me in the eye, and without blinking he says to me, “your move, mr. bullard.” for now all i can do is sit in my apartment and await hsi next venture into my humble abode. that, and set up paint cans on ropes triggered by the door opening.
i refuse to believe it’s only 1:12. You’d think if you tried to sleep through the day, you’d have little of it left…but alas i am stuck with hours to kill. i could play halo, but i don’t want to. it’s supposed to be this great game, but i’ve yet to see what about it really impresses people. the only thing that is keeping me going is the fact that other people say it’s good. sort of an entertainment peer pressure. at each new chapter i say to myself, “maybe this one will have less of those annoying, whiney aliens.” and then it has more of them. and as much as i don’t want to play it…i’m going to end up playing it anyway. ladies and gentelmen, the trials and tribulations of my life.
Filed under: rambling, video games by tonybullard
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it’s been almost twenty days since my last post here, which is funny considering if you look down a few posts i make this new resolution to work really hard to find content for the site..but the fact of the matter is i got an education to finish off and a career to start, and i don’t think this site is really gonna help either of those. now i’m not giving this site up of course, cause that would make sense.
i think the prime problem with this site is that i refuse to decide what i want it to be about. when i first started tonybullard.com, it was solely because i was given the domain for free. i put up what basically became a how-to of self deprecation. (see how smug i seem when i teach you new words?) it was quite a while later when i decided i would focus the site on my poetry, which is why, as you can see, it is the first link under “home.” that’s my little way of saying “click here.” but seeing that i haven’t written anything new in several months, it’s just sort of become a site of infrequent news post of a highly sarcastic nature and a horrible misuse of quit, quiet, and quite.
i have many interests. i have thought of putting up a site about home recordings, posting tips and such about what i’ve learned in my own experiences, and things i’ve learned at the fancy recording school i now attend. i’ve thought about, at the risk of looking even geekier, mentioning my gaming habits more. I’ve even thought of adding a portion of the site on airsoft. but the ever looming fact is that there are better sites out there for that. so all you get is a few posts a month about random tidbits of news and trivial conversation peices.
case in point:
a short video of the sigfried and roy tiger attack has emerged and has quickly spread over the internet. You can find it here. careful…it’s not for young viewers.
a movie i’ve mentioned before “the passion” has changed it’s name to “the passion of Christ” and has now found an american distributor in newmarket films who also did memento, and donnie darko. they are aiming for an ash wednesday release (that’s february 25th for those of you who aren’t marrying a catholic)
Filed under: rambling by tonybullard
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sitting at home alone on halloween is surprisingly depressing. well, maybe depressing isn’t the right word. i’ve come to accept that this is the way my life is, so it’s not quite so depressing.
i don’t think i’ve ever understood what it means to be lonely up until these last few months. for several years i was stressed and upset about my schooling, always feeling like i was doing nothing and getting nowhere. i said it best in a letter to a friend, “i feel like i’m grinding an axe that no one needs, and it never gets sharper.” i use to assure myself that when i got on my way and on to full sail that i’d finally be happy, learning things i want to learn and starting to get on with my life. i never thought about being in orlando alone.
i’m not actually alone. i have a roommate, of whom i’ve posted about on this site a few times. we started out pretty friendly until we pissed each other off a few too many times with our lack of consistent cleanliness. my fiance tells me how depressing it is to see two people just co-existing ten feet away from each other.
i also have friends at school. a lab group of some really phenomenal guys that i will not regret networking with in my future. i actually just left a party that one of my lab mates was having. but it’s tough to have friends that you can’t really connect with. most of our time spent together consists of all of us picking on one of the other group members. this is all fun and good, Lord knows i appreciate a good ribbing every once and a while, but not being able to connect with anyone really takes it’s toll on you. i enjoy their company, but not being able to relate to someone on a spiritual level really sets a wall up. maybe i’m just tired of the occasional prod about my beliefs, not that i don’t prod the Christian culture myself, or maybe it’s just that when they do make some anti-God point, i’m tired of the fact that i have nothing to say back. i know a million answers, but when you’re distant from God, you’re not so motivated to fight for Him.
so i sit here alone in my apartment, grilling chicken on my george foreman grill, and heating up corn on the stove, soon to watch solaris, and being so laden with loneliness i can’t begin to describe it.
Filed under: friends, movies, rambling, social, spirituality by tonybullard
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popcorn has got to be the most disappointing food there is. i like popcorn and all, but it’s really just one big culinary letdown. whenever anyone makes popcorn, anyone within a 100 foot radius knows it. popcorn is a very fragrant food. herein lies the problem. popcorn smells wonderful. the buttery aroma fills the air and creates little daydreams of fluffy golden kernels dancing on your taste buds. and there’s no avoiding it. it fills my apartment like clouds of warm buttery goodness. so what comes of this? you desire the popcorn, and you steal a handful from your roommate. and then the letdown. the popcorn tastes good, but it doesn’t taste like it smells. it’s buttery, a little sweet (kettel corn anyways) but it just doesn’t have that same wondrous buttery softness that the smell has. so you try and eat more, thinking you can condense the flavor, and possibly attain for your tongue the same plane of wonder that your nose is enjoying. your nose almost resents your tongue as if it’s not working hard enough to enjoy all this. and then you get done to left over seeds and greasy bowl bottom…the dream is never fulfilled. so you put the bowl in the dishwasher and attempt to forget this tragedy of clashing senses, but, as if to mock you, the wondrous smell of popcorn still lingers throughout your apartment. you hate the popcorn in your heart, but your nose tells you that next time will be better…it’s got to…it’s the tongue’s fault. so, in a sort of temporary insanity, you cook your own bowl popcorn, and it all starts over again. and this my friends, is how you go through a whole box of popcorn in a day.
Filed under: rambling by tonybullard
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